


Back To You

by upthenorthmountain (aw264641)



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Kristanna, not even joking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-05-15 01:03:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5765947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aw264641/pseuds/upthenorthmountain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Frozen but before/disregarding Frozen Fever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She is long past the tears now.

 

It has only been six months and already the girl who stood on the dock and enjoyed her first kiss seems like another person. A person who thought the future was wide open, full of love and joy; that she could, finally, have what she'd always wanted.

 

But it was just the set-up for the next heartbreak. 

 

* * *

 

 

“I don't care! I don't. I mean it.”

“Anna -”

“If I can't marry Kristoff, it doesn't matter who I marry. You choose, since you're the one who's so bothered about it.”

“ _ Anna.” _

 

She looked at Elsa’s face, despairing and frustrated and guilty all at once, and she couldn't bear it. “You choose,” she said again, then she turned and ran out of the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Why had she thought that things would be different? The open gates, the sunshine and the smiles, had given her hope; then every single person of influence in Arendelle - every single  _ man _ of influence - had lined up to poke her back into the box marked  _ princess.  _

 

And princesses don't marry ice-harvesters. No matter what Anna said, what Elsa said, it made no difference. There were laws. There were centuries of traditions and customs, all of them seemingly shaped and polished and sharpened just to make her miserable.

 

In a way it was a blessing that everything was cut off so quickly - and it did make what came after easier. But right from the start she was reminded of her place, and of his. It was acceptable to be friendly with the man who brought the ice; it was acceptable to be friendly with a man who had helped her in a difficult circumstance. But ‘friendly’ meant a short conversation at sparse intervals. It did not include being alone with him, it certainly did not include kissing him. It was pointless to chafe at these restraints. They were immovable and rigidly enforced.

 

There was no second kiss.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

And it didn’t matter, did it? Elsa tried to interest her in the process, but all these princes fit in the same category of Not Kristoff, so they were interchangeable (although yes, she put a certain amount of faith in her sister choosing someone who was also Not Completely Awful. But still). Anna was a token, a piece in the game, and she trusted Elsa to play her as well as possible.

 

It sounded silly to say she chose - Elsa insisted Anna make the final choice - based on his name, but it seemed like a good omen. Felix meant ‘good fortune’, so Prince Felix of Frederikshaven it was.

 

“But he’s the oldest,” Elsa said. “He’s forty-five, Anna, and a widower. He has two grown-up children. One of them’s older than you.”

“We won’t have to put up with him for long, then.”

“He’s not  _ that _ old.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Elsa sighed. “You realise that once I accept for you, you can’t change your mind. Not without them being dreadfully insulted.”

“I know.”

“And you’re sure?”

“I’m sure. I really am. You know one of us has to get married and have babies and we both know it’s not going to be you. Don’t look so pained, I  _ want _ to have babies, I like babies.”

“I feel like I’m not being fair to you. Expecting you to be the one who -”

“Shush! Just one thing. How did his wife die?”

“Hmm? A fire, I think. They were staying in a hunting lodge out in the country and it burnt down. One of the servants also died. Prince Felix was ill for a time, from the smoke. Fortunately they didn’t have the children with them. This was about ten years ago.”

“No murdering?”

“Anna. No murdering.” Elsa raised her eyebrows. “I have references for this one.”

“Just checking.”

 

* * *

 

He should have fought for her. Why hadn’t he fought for her?

 

Was it just because, whenever he had presented himself at the castle in those first few weeks, Princess Anna was always ‘busy’ or ‘not receiving guests right now’? And even if afterwards he realised the message wasn’t from the princess, that most of the time she wasn’t even aware that he had come to see her, at the time it had stung. Easier to retreat and pretend to himself that it hadn’t meant anything anyway.

 

If he had been sure that she loved him, it would have been easier to hurdle walls and climb balconies, to fight with guards, to insist. Or so he told himself. His own doubts and insecurities let him lose his chance, and now she was marrying some foreign prince, some stranger twice her age, and he hoped everyone involved was pleased with themselves.

 

A few brief words in the stableyard, and then she was called away. A smile across the marketplace, but by the time he reached her she was gone. A memory of the ice-cold of the fjord and the summer heat that morning on the dock. It wasn’t much to hold on to.


	3. Chapter 3

The day was finally here. Letters had been sent back and forth, arrangements made, and this morning the ship from Frederikshaven had arrived.

 

Anna had been steeling herself for someone old and fat but she was pleasantly surprised. Prince Felix was in good shape, and other than a few streaks of grey at his temples and in his beard his hair was still a pleasant light brown. His eyes were brown, too, with just a few crinkles at the edges.

 

“Well, aren’t you lovely,” Felix said after a moment. “Oh dear, I sound like an old lech. Excuse me.”

Anna half-smiled. “Thank you.”

They sat. The maid finished placing tea cups and related items on the table between them, then left. The sitting room door closed behind her with a click.

 

Another awkward pause.

“May I be candid?” Felix said.

“Please.”

“I’m not such an old fool as to think that you’ll fall in love with me, or anything like that. We both know this is a business arrangement. I don’t want you to be worrying about my tender feelings.”

“I - won’t?”

“There’s a girl. You know I was married before?”

“Yes, Elsa said. To Princess Caroline.”

“It was arranged but we already knew each other, were fond of each other - a different thing. When Caroline - left us, I didn’t expect to marry again. I think my brother just got fed up with me after all this time and thought he’d pack me off here.”

“Oh, I’m sure he didn’t think that.”

“Hmm. Well, as long as I have my horses and my writing desk I won’t bother you much. I’m sure you have your own amusements and occupations.”

Anna nodded. “I’m sure we’ll get along fine.”

“I’m sure. Although,” he leant forward slightly in his chair, “If you don’t like the look of me, just say. I’m quite willing to go back home and take all the blame and leave your reputation intact.”

“Oh no, it’s fine! I mean. I have to marry somebody. And you seem nice. Not that I’ve known you long and I know sometimes I’m not a very good judge of character but. You know. You seem nice.”

 

He laughed. “Then my plan is working - no, I shouldn’t joke. Not kind.”

Anna flushed. “You know about that.”

“Yes, but I didn’t mean to make fun. I won’t mention it again.”

Felix leant forward and poured two cups of tea, then handed one to her. “How about it, then?” he said.

 

Anna nodded.

 

* * *

 

Keep moving forward. You could dwell on the things you'd lost - people, places, time - or you could keep going and find out what the future held. You never knew what might be around the corner. Regret was a poison.

 

This resolution was easier by daylight than at night. Easier when she was around people than when she was alone. Easier when she was full of energy that when she was tired.

 

At night she dreamt about brown eyes, but they weren't her fiancé’s.

 

* * *

 

The actual wedding day passed in a whirl. During the ceremony Anna was so focussed on saying the right thing at the right time, and not knocking anyone over with her skirts, that afterwards she could barely remember it. There was a meal, at which she didn’t eat much and probably drank slightly too much wine, then dancing, and she had to dance with _ everybody _ . 

 

And then it was time to go upstairs.

 

Her maid was waiting to help her with her jewellery, her hair, her corsets. Once Anna was in her nightdress the maid left with a bobbed curtsy and Anna locked the corridor door behind her. She sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, watching the door that led through to the shared sitting room - and beyond that, to Felix’s bedroom. No sounds of movement. Was she supposed to go to him?

 

Eventually she rose, opened the door, and tiptoed through. Still no sound. The other bedroom door was shut and, when she carefully tried the handle, locked. She knocked.

 

“Goodnight, Anna,” she heard his voice. “Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight,” she replied automatically, and waited.

 

Nothing more. No sound, no movement, and the door remained locked. So she went back into her room and went to sleep.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

When Anna came down to breakfast the next morning, Elsa was waiting for her just outside the door. “Everything all right?” she said quietly.

It took Anna a moment to realise what she meant. “Yes!” she said. “Yes, everything was - fine.”

Elsa smiled. “Okay. Good.”

“Fine,” Anna repeated to herself as Elsa walked away. Fine, although nothing had happened. Tonight, she supposed.

 

* * *

 

 

But she was wrong. 

 

The days were busy - there were so many guests still, and things to arrange. But at night she slept alone, and increasingly frustrated. It wasn't that she'd been looking forward to it, as such - but as a week passed, then two, she couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with her.

 

During the day Felix was perfectly charming, affable, fond even. They went riding together. He was always happy to talk to her, or to take her arm when they walked, and he would kiss her hand or her cheek readily enough. No one watching would have thought anything could be amiss.

 

But at night he always shut himself in his bedroom while Anna was undressing. If she knocked he would just say ‘Goodnight’ so after a couple of days she stopped doing that - it was humiliating. But how ridiculous, to be married a fortnight and still a virgin! 

 

Should she talk to Elsa? But that would be even more embarrassing, and Elsa had no interest in anything like that, in men or marriage - that, and her fear of passing on her ice magic, was what made her not want to marry herself. Anna had agreed to take on this burden but she was beginning to wonder if it had all been pointless.

 

No, Anna would have to talk to Felix, and it was another few days before she found a good opportunity. There were always people  _ around _ , that was the problem, either in the room or about to come in, and he avoided her at night. Finally, she asked him if he wanted her to show him one of her favourite routes for horse-riding, and he accepted happily.

 

The day was fine, warm with late spring. They were a mile or more from the city before Anna felt secure enough in their solitude to start the conversation.

“Felix, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why don't you want to - go to bed with me?”

“I thought you'd prefer sleeping by yourself.”

His answer was very smooth and she knew he'd been anticipating the conversation.

“That's not what I mean. You know very well what I mean.”

He sighed, his lips a straight line. They rode on a short while in silence.

 

“Don't you like me?” Anna said in a small voice. “Did I do something wrong?”

Felix looked her up and down, then turned his eyes to the road ahead.

“You're lovely,” he said, keeping his gaze straight forward. “You're very beautiful. It's not you.”

“Then what is it?”

Felix coughed. “This stays between us, you understand?”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

 

Another pause. Then he said "I have a medical problem. I have made many enquiries, believe me, but never found a cure. I'm not sure how much you know about - marital relations."

Anna could feel herself blushing. "I know - enough. I think."

"You know how the male and the female differ in physiology."

Her cheeks were red-hot, now. "Yes."

"I am unable to -" he made a gesture, lifting his arm to hold it horizontal. "It has always been so."

He dropped his arm and they rode on again in silence. Anna's mind was racing. She understood what he meant, or thought she did - she knew enough, from books and from things she'd heard. There was one problem, though.

"But you have two children."

"Ah. That's the sticking point, isn't it." He looked across at her, and now he was smiling. "See if you can work it out."

Anna thought. "But..."

"I'll spare you. My wife had two children. As her husband at the time, I am legally their father."

"Legally."

"Mm."

"But not -"

"No."

 

She knew her face must be a picture so she looked quickly down at her hands. 

"I've shocked you," Felix continued. "But you understand that this must remain a secret? They don't know. No one does."

"No one?"

"Except us two. My wife - and her lover - being no longer with us, of course."

"And you didn't mind?"

"Mind? No. She chose well. They were always very discreet. It was a fine arrangement that made everyone happy."

They were higher up the mountain now, and the road opened out to one side, giving a wonderful view over the valley. They reined in their horses and stopped to admire it.

"I'm sorry," Felix said, "I should have had this conversation with you before. But I confess, I thought a young girl like you wouldn't mind not being bothered by an old man."

"I -" she looked at him. He was watching her face with mild interest. "I didn't mind. And - I want to have children."

"I'm sorry. I can't help you there."

Her face fell. He watched her carefully.

"How discreet can you be, Anna?"

"What?"

"I would not be averse to you having a similar arrangement to Caroline's. With a similar result. If that's what you want."

"Oh, I couldn't! I married you. I couldn't be - unfaithful."

"Think about it. I mean it, I'm not trying to trick you. "

"I couldn't."

"If I am aware, you're not being unfaithful. And if no one else is aware, where is the harm?"

 

He moved off again, turning to head back down the mountain. Anna followed, her mind reeling. It was wrong, and she knew it was wrong. But Felix was calm. He genuinely didn't seem to mind.

 

"I don't really know any men," she said without thinking.

He laughed. "Already weighing up the possibilities. No, it's all right. And it's true. Finding the right person may take some time. Perhaps one of my staff - some are planning to return home, their silence will be bought easily enough. Do you want me to find someone for you?"

"Ah - no. Let me think about it some more. I'll let you know."

"There's a girl."

 

* * *

 

A few nights later there was a ball. Anna wore blue and gold, and when she danced with her husband, he leant in and said quietly "See any possibilities?"

She smiled, then realised what he meant. "Oh! I don't know. I wasn't looking."

"I'm not sure any of these will do, anyway. I only let the finest men father my children." He winked, and Anna blushed. She hoped no one had noticed, then realised how it would be interpreted and relaxed.

"The type of people who come to these things are such gossips, anyway," Felix continued. "Someone from outside the castle is a better bet. A quiet type. Brown eyes, naturally. Know anyone like that?"

She'd never seen him so surprised as when she said "Yes."

 


	5. Chapter 5

He saw her in the marketplace, or thought he did. A flash of red hair - but lots of people had red hair. She'd been married for a month, it was past time to forget about Princess Anna of Arendelle.

Until she was right in front of him, smiling. "Kristoff, hi! Can I talk to you about something?"

"Anna." He hadn't seen her in months! How did she do this?

"I really need your help."

"I'm busy."

She was biting her lip, her eyes darting from side to side. He felt guilty. What if there was something? What if her husband...

"Help with what?"

"Not here." She handed him a piece of paper. "Please?"

He waited until she'd gone before unfolding the paper. In carefully printed letters it read:

EAST GATE WILL BE UNGUARDED AT 8

DOOR BY EAST TOWER WILL BE UNLOCKED

STAIRS TO RIGHT, SECOND FLOOR

FIFTH DOOR ON LEFT

(DON'T KNOCK JUST COME IN)

 

* * *

 

The guard at the East Gate left to patrol the perimeter wall at five to eight. By eight'o'clock he was round the corner and the gate was, indeed, unguarded, for a man in dark clothes who kept to the shadows.

 

The East Tower was presumably the nearest one and yes, the door at the bottom was unlocked. The staircase was found easily; then he counted off the doors and slipped inside the room.

 

It was a bedroom, lit only by a single candle on the bedside table. Anna was sitting at the dressing table, brushing out her hair. She looked up when he entered and said "Lock the door." He did.

 

"Anna, what's this about? Is this your bedroom?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm leaving." He took a step backwards.

"No, don't go! I haven't asked you yet -"

"Anna, I can't be in your bedroom! What if your husband -"

"He knows! He knows you're here."

"What? What's this about, Anna?"

“Will you - sit down, please? And let me explain.”

There wasn’t another chair. Kristoff perched on the end of the bed. Anna had asked for time to explain but now she didn't say anything, just sat there twisting her hands together.

“Anna, what's wrong? Is it - your husband?”

“Yes - no - I mean, he's fine, he doesn't bother me much most of the time. He doesn't mistreat me or anything. He just -” she paused.

“What?”

“Hecan'tfatherchildren.” She said it all in one go, then took a deep breath. “His children, the grown up ones back in Frederikshaven, they aren't really his. His wife - had to - you know. With another man. It's a secret! You can't tell anyone.”

“So why are you telling me?” Then his brain caught up with her words. “Anna, _why am I here?”_

“Um.”

He stood, and strode for the door. “I'm leaving.”

“No, wait, please!” She rose and ran towards him, grabbing his arm with both hands and turning him back round to face her.

“It has to be someone,” she said desperately, clinging to him. “I want it to be you.”

"Why me?"

"I - trust you."

Anna was a rotten liar. He knew he could believe her now.

He shook her off and stepped back. "Anna, I can't. WE can't. You know we can't. It's wrong.”

“Felix knows,” she said. “It was his idea. He said - he said he'd find someone for me. And I said I wanted to ask you first. But if you won't - he’ll have to find someone, that's all.”

"Find someone? Some stranger? Who does he think he is -"

"Well, what else am I to do!" Anna flung up her hands and sat down heavily on the bed. "I want to have children, Kristoff. It's not the only reason I got married, but it's an important one! Not just important to me, important to _Arendelle_. And it's not going to happen, he's certain on that. So I don't have many options."

"Are you sure? You've only been married a month."

"He was married more than ten years before."

 

Her expression was desperate, beseeching. Kristoff ran his hand over his face. He couldn't think; he could barely breathe. He needed to get out of here, for both their sakes.

"Anna. I can't do what you're asking. I'm sorry."

 

She stood and reached for him again, but he was faster and had his hand on the doorhandle before she was close enough to touch him.

"Kristoff?" She spoke in a low voice as he opened the corridor door.

"Yes?"

"If you change your mind. Two days from now, same time, okay? The door will be unlocked."

" _Goodbye_ , Anna."

 

* * *

 

 

'Find someone'. What did that mean? Who was 'someone'? Some servant, a valet or a groom or something? Some rough-handed idiot willing to take the money in return for his silence, in return for a chance to -

 

Sudden images in his head that he didn't need. No, _no._ And she'd do it, that was the thing - if there was one word that described Anna it was 'impulsive'. She'd agree to it, and go through with it, when she deserved so much more. Someone who would - treat her right. Someone who loved her.

 

Aye, there was the rub.

 

* * *

 

He opened the unlocked door and stepped inside. Anna sat up in the bed; she was wearing only her nightdress, her hair loose about her shoulders, shining gold in the dim candlelight.

 

“Lock the door,” she whispered.

  



	6. Chapter 6

He locked the door.

 

Anna's heart felt like it was going to beat straight out of her chest. Kristoff stood, his back to the door, watching her. "Come here," she managed to say, and he took a step forward, then another.

"You're sure about this?" he said.

"Yes. I told you."

"You're sure your husband doesn't - mind?"

"Do you want to ask him?"

"No! I..." He stopped, looked at his feet for a minute, then sat down on the edge of the bed with his back to her and pulled off his boots.

Anna sat and watched his back as he undressed. He did it methodically, folding each item and piling them neatly on the floor by the side of the bed. When he was down to his underwear he paused, then half-turned to face her.

The only light was the candle on the dressing table. It threw his features, the muscles in his chest and arms, into sharper relief; his expression was almost pleading, with an intensity that made her heart beat faster again.

She lifted the sheets and pushed them back, letting them fall down over her raised knees. Then, swiftly and without letting herself think too hard, she pulled up her nightdress and tugged it off over her head.

It got stuck a little over her ears (she should have undone all the buttons - but that had felt like it would take needlessly long), and when she struggled she found another hand was helping her, straightening the collar until it came loose. When she dropped the garment on the floor by the bed Kristoff was leaning over her, his bare chest inches from hers. He hesitated, blushing; it was the work of a moment to slip a hand round his neck and pull herself up to kiss him full on the lips.

It only lasted a second before Kristoff pulled back, pushing himself up on his hands.

"What's wrong? You kissed me before," Anna said.

"Yes, before. Before you married another man."

"If you've changed your mind -"

"No, I haven't - but let's just - do what I came here for, okay?"

"Um, sure. Okay."

She lay down on her back and waited for him to take off his underwear. She hadn't expected him to be like this - so abrupt. So focussed. But this was all she'd asked for - was it wrong to want more?

When he leant over her again he kept his gaze somewhere past her left shoulder. Anna put her hand on his arm but he ignored her, setting his jaw. She could feel him between her legs, and  _ then _ \- without meaning to, she winced, with an "Ow!".

He paused, and finally met her eyes.“Are you okay?”

“Yes, it's okay - don't stop.”

“You're sure?”

“Yes, I mean - it always hurts the first time, right?”

“The first time?” He backed away, then knelt.  “But surely you've - I mean - you've been married over a month!”

“I told you! He can't.”

“You said he can't have children! I didn't realise you meant he couldn't do it at  _ all. _ ”

“Well, he can't. He can't -” she gestured at Kristoff’s erection.

 

Without another word, he moved away from her completely and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward with his head in his hands. Anna pushed herself up on her elbows, then sat. "What's wrong? You didn't hurt me. I'm fine. I know you wouldn't hurt me."

"I need to tell you something," he said, and his voice was low and serious.

"What? What's wrong?"

He sighed. "I love you. I know it's too late, and it doesn't change anything, and if you want this I'll do it, but I need you to know."

"I know," she said softly. "Why do you think I chose you?"

He still didn't look up.

"I can't offer you very much," Anna continued. "Only - this. My body. Felix doesn't want it." Then she laughed at herself. "He doesn't want my heart, either, so you can have that, too."

Kristoff looked up now, his eyes wary. He still didn't speak.

"He only married me because his brother told him to. His brother, the king. Felix likes me well enough but he doesn't think I'm particularly interesting. I can tell. So - it's all yours. If you want."

She was still naked, of course, but she only remembered this when he ran his eyes over her, from her toes to her face and back again. He swung his legs back up onto the bed and approached her, slowly. Anna lay back on the pillows, her breathing ragged and he hadn't even touched her - when he whispered "I want," she shivered, her gaze locked on his.

 

His eyes flicked to her lips, then back up, and when he kissed her it was with a hunger she hadn't expected; a pressure that pushed her back against the pillows, that made her blood run hot and wild.

 

He kissed her, and she pressed up against him, needing every inch of her skin touching his. He kissed her jaw, her neck, down to her breasts; but it wasn't  _ enough _ , nothing was enough, until his hand was between her legs, his fingers stroking her and sliding inside -

 

"Please," she heard herself gasp. " _ Please _ , Kristoff -"

 

It still hurt, but not as much - she could tell he was trying to go slow and she pushed her hips up against him to encourage him, because despite the soreness it still felt so  _ good _ , and she wanted him, all of him.

 

But it was still wasn't quite enough somehow, and she wasn't sure what would be. She wriggled against him in frustration and he pushed himself deep inside her, as deep as he could go, then suddenly groaned loudly against her ear. She felt him throbbing inside her, then he said "I'm sorry, Anna, I'm sorry," and pushed himself back up on his elbows.

 

"I'm fine," she said, "You didn't hurt me! Really."

"No, I mean - I finished before you. I'm sorry."

She shook her head, mystified. "Women don't - do that."

"Sure they do. I mean, not quite like that. But women - climax." He pushed himself off and rolled over to lie next to her.

"No, they don't." She paused. "Do they?"

 

He looked at her. His breathing was slowing back to normal, but there was still a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead. "You tell me," he said, and he kissed her again.

 

His kisses were slower now, more deliberate, and she leant into them eagerly. His hand wandered from her shoulder to her breast, gently rubbing her nipple between his finger and thumb, and she had to break away from his lips to gasp and catch her breath.

 

He kissed her neck, her collarbone, as he slid his hand down between her legs. And  _ that _ was what she had needed,  _ there _ , where his finger stroked small circles, building up and up until her body couldn't contain it any more and it ran through her and washed over her until she collapsed in his arms with a wordless cry.

 

"Okay," she said when she could speak again, "I believe you."

 

* * *

 

The corridor was still dark, but not deserted. As Kristoff closed the bedroom door behind him, as quietly as he could manage, he saw a figure sitting in the window opposite; a man, smoking a cigarette. He froze, unsure whether to go forwards or back.

 

The man stood and turned to face him. The only light was from outside, but Kristoff could make out enough of the man's features and clothes to realise that it must be Prince Felix. His stomach sank to the floor. This was a trap, it was all a trap, and Anna -

 

But the Prince was holding out his hand and smiling. Kristoff put out his hand in a daze, and Felix took it in both of his and shook it.

 

"I just wanted," he said, "To make sure there were no misunderstandings. Cigarette?" He offered a gold case and Kristoff shook his head.

 

"No? I hear it's traditional - never mind. Don't worry, I won't detain you long. Just to be clear." He took a long drag and blew out the smoke into the air. "I have no interest in what went on in my wife's bedroom. Not today, not any other day. I have no problem with being the cuckold. Provided," and here his voice turned harder, "I am not known to be the cuckold. Do you understand me?"

 

Kristoff had to clear his throat to speak. "Of course."

"My wife says we can trust you."

"You can. Sir."

"It's Your Highness, but never mind. Any of this becoming public would be very embarrassing for all of us, yes?"

"Yes. Your Highness."

"Better. So now we understand each other. No one wants any unpleasantness. And I'll let you be about your way." He held out his hand again and Kristoff took it. "Goodnight."

 

Felix clapped Kristoff on the shoulder, then wandered off and went through a door a bit further down the corridor. Kristoff realised Felix had put something into his hand on the second handshake, and took a step forward to the window to see it in the moonlight. It was a small cloth purse, and it contained more money than Kristoff made in a month. He swore under his breath and followed Felix to his door, but it was locked, and he didn't dare knock very loud. Then he tried Anna's door, but that was also now locked. With nothing else he could do, he headed back down the stairs.

 


	7. Chapter 7

“You can tell your husband I don’t want his money.” A cloth purse was thrown down onto the bed, landing on the covers by her knees.

 

Anna was startled. They had arranged this next meeting, two days later, before Kristoff had left on the previous occasion, and she had had a sense of delightful anticipation all day. Just  _ seeing  _ him was a happy, exhilarating thought - and the prospect of, well, anything else - that was enough to keep her hiding smiles all afternoon (fortunately, she had had plenty of letters to answer, so she had shut herself up at her writing desk and didn't have to worry about anyone noticing her falling into daydreams).

 

But now he was here, and he was angry. 

 

“What money?” she answered, stupidly. He said nothing, arms folded, and she picked up the purse. Now she felt silly, waiting in her bed in her nightdress, expecting to fall into his arms. “What happened, did you see Felix? I thought he was in his room.”

“He may well be. But he was waiting for me when I left last time.”

Anna weighed the purse in her hand. “He didn't mean anything by it. He doesn't know you like I do. He just thought…”

“I know what he thought.”

 

She half-expected him to leave. Instead he just stood, watching her. Anna got up, and put the purse in the drawer of her dressing table. “I'm - sorry. I'll make sure he gets it.”

“You'll tell him I gave it straight back to you.”

“Of course.”

Kristoff nodded. “Well, then.”

 

He was still just standing, but now he unfolded his arms, holding them awkwardly as if he wasn’t sure of his next move. 

 

“Do you not want to do this any more?” Anna said quietly. “I mean, if you’ve changed your mind, I understand…”

Kristoff looked at his feet. “You should thank - your husband,” he said after a moment. “I wasn’t going to come back. But he left me no choice, I couldn’t keep that money. So here I am. And now…”

“Now?”

“Now…” He put up a hand and cupped the side of her face.

 

“I love you,” she whispered, just before their lips touched.

 

* * *

 

 

Kristoff sat on the side of the bed to stamp his boots back on. Then he stood to tuck in his shirt, and drifted over to the window. It was actually two full-height glazed doors, opening out onto a small balcony; he quietly unlatched one of them and stepped out, looking all around him quickly before going back inside.

“What is it?” Anna said from the bed, where she was slowly doing up the buttons on her nightdress.

“You know,” he said, “This side of the building is very sheltered. I bet I could climb down onto the castle wall from here. Back up, too. Then no one has to leave doors unlocked for me.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Hang on.” He went back onto the balcony and crouched, peering down into the darkness below. “Definitely down. And up, too, I think. I'd have to try it.”

“Is it safe?”

“Safer than sneaking past a guard with a crossbow? Probably.”

 

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Anna said, as he tied his sash. “When can you come back? Soon?”

He smiled at her. “I don’t know. Probably. In another couple of days?”

“I can talk to you outside. I mean. As long as no one says anything...inappropriate. I wasn’t allowed to talk to you, but now I’m married, it doesn’t matter as much. So I’ll see you in the market.”

“Not too often. Or someone will suspect something.”

“I know.”

 

He put his palm to the side of her face again, then said “Shut the window after me,” and went out onto the balcony. Anna followed him and watched as he climbed over the railing onto the pitched roof. He climbed carefully down, paused a moment at the edge of the roof, then smiled at her and dropped down into the darkness.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a sort of giddy feeling in her stomach. A bit nervous - what if someone found out? - but mainly exciting, a secret but a gleeful one.  _ I have a lover. _ A lover, like someone in a novel. Like stories she half-overheard, whispered behind hands. How shocking! How scandalous. How  _ fun. _

 

And she might have a baby! That was supposed to be the point of this, after all. A lovely fat baby with chubby cheeks to kiss and little pink fingers to hold. Entirely perfect and entirely hers. She spun on her toes in the empty ballroom and wondered if it would be a boy or a girl.

  
Everything was perfect, perfect. It had looked bad for a while there but now it was all sorted out. Everything she had ever wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

[Two months later]

 

“Hi, do you have a minute?”

It was nearly the end of the market. Kristoff was tallying up his order book, leaning on the seat of the sled, and Anna had crept up behind him.

“Ah, sure. Your Highness.”

She glanced around. The marketplace was half-empty, with other traders starting to pack up their stalls. No one was looking at them.

“I’m sorry to do this here, but I couldn’t wait! I needed to talk to you, to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“I think -” she glanced around again, and turned so she was facing away from the square. “I think  _ I’m going to have a baby.” _

“Really?” And this was hard, so hard, because he couldn’t do more than smile at her. He couldn’t touch her, he certainly couldn’t kiss her, he couldn’t say anything that wasn’t completely casual and innocuous. He couldn’t even let his face show exactly how he felt.

“Yes. I think. I’m pretty sure. I haven’t told anyone else yet, so keep it to yourself, okay?”

“Of course.” Don’t touch her, don’t touch her, don’t touch her.

“And I’ll see you later?”

He hadn’t planned to come back to Arendelle that evening - he needed to pack up and get home, and tomorrow would be a long day - but her face was so open and hopeful.

“Sure. For a little while.”

“Okay, great!”

 

A woman was approaching the sled. 

“You have a customer, I should go!” Anna said brightly. “Nice talking to you.”

“And you,” he said, and tried to get his mind back to business.

 

* * *

 

He knew his route by heart now, and could climb up even in the pitch dark. First he had to drop from the bridge onto the rocks lining the castle wall; along there for a short way, then, where the wall had been weathered by the wind and spray from the fjord, it was easy enough to climb up. Down to a low roof, along and up another short wall, sheltered by the tall trees in the castle gardens. Then onto the pitched roof below Anna’s balcony.

 

When she knew he was coming she always left the window unlocked and slightly ajar. He pried it open and pulled it shut behind him, making sure the curtains were also tightly closed.

 

And Anna flung herself into his arms. He held her tight - but not too tight - for a minute, then pulled back and kissed her. Now he could do and say anything, but this was all he wanted to do.

 

When they seperated, Anna took his hands and led him to sit on the bed. They sat side by side, legs touching, and she played with his fingers.

 

“So you haven’t told anybody else yet?”

“I think Elsa has guessed? But she hasn’t asked, I think she’s waiting for me to say something.”

“And Felix?” It had taken this long for Kristoff to feel comfortable saying his name, but it was better than ‘your husband’. He was tired of  _ that  _ phrase.

“Felix wouldn’t notice if I caught fire in the middle of breakfast.”

“I'm sure that's not true.”

“Maybe if his newspaper caught. Then he'd say ‘Everything alright, dear?’”

“You'll have to tell him, then.”

“I know, but…” She bit her lip. “That's why you're here, that's what we agreed, and…”

“You think he'll say - that I don't need to come and see you any more.” His fingers tightened automatically on hers.

“I don't know. Maybe.”

“He can’t stop us. He doesn’t know how I get in.”

“That’s true. But…” Anna bit her lip, turning her face away.

“But what?”

“I - I promised to obey him. When I married him. And I meant it, when I said it. If he tells me I can't see you any more, then - but -”

 

She let go off his hands but threw herself at Kristoff’s chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. 

“It's up to you,” he said. “It's always been up to you.”

 

* * *

 

Felix was writing a book. Or so he said; apparently he'd been writing it for several years already and it was no closer to being finished. It was something to do with horses. All Anna knew for certain was that he spent a lot of time shut up in his study, which was full of books (mainly about horses), papers (horses), and his correspondence (which was occasionally with friends and family members, but was often about horses).

 

Anna knocked on his study door mid-morning the next day. Better to get it over, and doing it now meant they were guaranteed a private conversation.

“Enter.”

She went in and shut the door behind her. Felix was leaning back in his chair reading a letter, and when he looked up he smiled. “Ah, my princess. What can I do for you?”

At least he was in a good mood. 

 

“I just - wanted to let you know. Um. I'm going to have a baby.”

Felix raised his eyebrows. “You don't waste any time - well, capital, capital. I appreciate the information.” He turned back to his desk. “Was there anything else?”

“...no?”

“Don't let me keep you, then.”

 

Should she ask about Kristoff? But the problem with asking was, of course, that you might get the answer you didn't want. Anna had often found it easier to ask forgiveness than permission but now, she hesitated.

 

And then turned back to the door. If he did forbid it - her heart ached. She couldn't risk it.

“Give my regards to your friend,” Felix said when he hand was on the door handle.

“I will,” she said, half-turning. “I mean, if it’s still okay for us to -”

Felix sighed. “Anna, repeating myself is getting quite tiresome.” There was a slight edge to his voice that she’d noticed before. “I think I’ve made it quite clear that as long as no one knows how you choose to amuse yourself, I don’t need to know either.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll - go then.” She opened the door.

Felix nodded, picking up a piece of paper from his desk, but said nothing further. Anna left.


	9. Chapter 9

This had been a bad idea. 

 

Anna had asked him to come a little earlier, as she was engaged that evening; and now it was still light while Kristoff was trying to climb back over the castle roof. He’d got out of her room alright but now he was stuck somewhere above the main hall, his normal route containing a short section that was in full view of the stream of guests arriving over the bridge.

 

Better wait here a moment, then. At least it wasn't raining.

 

He tucked himself behind a helpful piece of architecture and found that if he leant over slightly he could see straight down into the ballroom, through one of the higher windows. He scanned the crowd automatically. Anna had still been in her underwear and dressing gown when he’d last seen her, so he didn’t know what frock she was wearing.

 

If she was even downstairs - no, there she was, walking into the room on her husband’s arm. They took their positions for the first dance, and Kristoff watched them idly. Prince Felix was a good dancer. All eyes were on the royal couple and he wondered what they would say if they knew what the princess had been doing half-an-hour earlier.

 

* * *

 

It was too hot and there were too many people, and she had blithely told her maid that this corset would be fine but now bitterly regretted it, and maybe if she was lucky she would swoon before she threw up, which would be marginally less embarrassing and less likely to ruin the silk.

 

After their first dance Felix had stood aside and now - she didn’t even know who this man was, an ambassador? Or some foreign aristocracy. Keep smiling. Try not to be sick on his shoes. The usual.

 

“I remember Felix from Frederikshaven,” the man said. “This was a few years ago now, of course. When we were all much younger.”

Anna smiled politely.

“And when his first wife was alive, God rest her. What was her name? Tall woman. Dark hair. Complete opposite of you, my dear. Caroline! Of course.”

Another smile. She could sit down after this one, and it was nearly over, thank goodness.

“Glad to see he’s moved on. Terrible business. Have you met Kristina and Viktor? Lovely children - no, they must be grown by now - your highness?”

 

She clutched automatically at his arm but before she could fall someone else caught her round the waist. “Good Lord, Markus! - a long time. We’ll catch up later, but for now let me borrow my wife for a moment.”

“Felix,” she gasped. “I'm fine, I just -”

“Some fresh air,” he said. “One foot in front of the other. There's a girl.”

He led her out into the courtyard by the ballroom, and sat her down on a bench.

 

When Anna’s head cleared she found that Felix was sitting next to her.

“Do you need me to loosen your stays?” he said. “I think I can remember how to do it. Or you can go upstairs and lie down, you know. No need to torture yourself.”

“Then everyone will think…”

“Everyone will think the truth, so what does it matter.”

“I suppose. But I’ll be alright in a minute.”

“As you wish.”

 

She expected him to go back inside but instead he sat and looked out at the gardens.

“I’ve always liked dusk,” he said. “Something magical about it.”

“Yes.”

They sat for a minute more.

 

“That man I was dancing with…”

“Lord Oppland.”

“...yes, Lord Oppland, that was it - he said I’m not at all like your first wife.”

“Did he? ...well, I suppose he’s not wrong. To look at, anyway. You can barely see over my shoulder and she was nearly as tall as I. And she was darker, dark hair and eyes. Her grandmother was Spanish. You’re very fair. But perhaps you're more similar in other ways.”

 

Felix looked out over the gardens again but now there was a sadness in his eyes.

“Do you miss her?”

“Hmm? Of course.” He sighed. “Impolite to say so to you, perhaps.”

“It’s alright. I mean - I understand.”

“I loved her,” he said abruptly, “I loved her and I lost her and it’s my own fault. Should have been more careful. Shouldn’t have let…”

“...Felix?”

He was staring into space again. “My fault,” he said quietly, to himself. “Should have been more careful.”

“You mean the fire?”

He started. “I - yes, I - of course.” He looked at her. “Oh, I’ll explain it all one day - rather not talk about it now. Not a pleasant thing to think about.”

“Of course,” Anna said, but his tone had unsettled her.

“We should go back in, if you're feeling better.”

 

She nodded so he stood and offered her his arm. “Doesn't do to dwell on these things,” he said, half to himself. “Gets one nowhere. What’s done is done.”

 

* * *

 

Summer turned to autumn; and for Kristoff, that brought its own problems. Darker evenings helped with cover, but soon the first snow flurries of winter started, and then one had to worry about footprints. And some parts of the roof became dangerously slick with ice. He had to adapt his route, go slowly, use a rope. 

 

But it was worth it. The worsening weather meant Anna could no longer linger in the market; he might see her walk past and be able to say hello, but no more. If he wanted to spend time with her he had to go to the castle.

 

Anna fretted about him climbing the roof but always stopped short of asking him not to do it. Kristoff got the impression her daily life was pretty boring in the winter, especially now - ‘No one lets me do  _ anything _ ’ - and he told himself he was worth it just to see her smile when he tapped on the window.

 

“At least we have this,” Anna whispered, as they lay face to face in her bed one night. “Even if it is all we can ever have.”

He stroked a lock of hair back behind her ear, leaving his hand there to cup the side of her face. “Is it enough?” he said.

In response she just turned her head to kiss his palm. “It has to be.”


	10. Chapter 10

His Royal Highness Prince Nils Jakob Agdar of Arendelle was born on a rainy Tuesday in April. When he was placed in her arms Anna scrutinised his face but whatever she was looking for wasn’t there; he looked like any other newborn baby, pink and scrunched up and somewhat affronted.

 

The midwives, and everyone else, acted as if Anna personally had accomplished some great feat by successfully producing a male heir first time. The bells were rung in the cathedral, and when he was a week old the new prince was officially presented to the people, from the balcony overlooking the castle courtyard.

 

* * *

 

Kristoff had never wanted that life; a title, a palace, dozens of servants and someone else to wash his shirts. Never even thought to want it. That was, until he saw his baby son being held up by another man, the woman he loved next to them, smiling; people looking on and cheering. An accident of birth and he could have been standing on that balcony and been the happiest man in the world.

 

He saw Anna’s eyes scanning the crowd and turned and walked away. 

 

* * *

 

The queen was woken by a knocking on her door; not too loud, but persistent. After hesitating for a moment she rose and unlocked it; her sister hurried in, eyes red with tears.

“Anna?”

“Elsa.” Anna sat on the edge of the bed and put her face in her hands. “Elsa, I’ve done something terrible. Something - I couldn’t tell you, but I have to; but you’ll hate me. I thought it would be okay, I thought it wouldn’t matter, but it does, it does and what if he looks like him? What will I do?”

“What if who looks like who?” Elsa finished securing the door and sat next to her sister on the bed. “Anna, what do you mean?”

“What if Nils looks like - Kristoff.”

“Why would he - no. Anna,  _ no _ .  _ Please _ tell me - “

“Felix knows! Felix knows, it was his idea!”

 

Anna explained as best she could. Elsa’s expression changed from horror to amazement to resignation.

 

When she was finished, Anna said meekly, “What are you going to do?”

“What am I going to do? Anna, there’s only one thing I can do. I’ve got no choice.” She sighed. “I’m going to have to keep quiet about it.”

“What?”

“Do you realise what would happen if this got out? Your reputation would be ruined, we’d be a laughing stock.”

“But if Nils -”

“At the moment he looks like a baby. We just have to hope - I don’t know. Maybe it’ll be okay.”

Anna started crying again. “He loves me,” she sobbed. “Kristoff loves me. And I love him.”

“I know,” Elsa said. “That’s why I tried to keep him away from you. I didn’t want it to get - messy.”

Anna sniffed. “I can mess anything up.”

Elsa put an arm round her. “How did you -” she hesitated. “Where did you - meet him?”

“He climbs in through my window.”

“Your bedroom window?”

“Yes.”

“Regularly?”

“It depends but - yes. A couple of times a week?”

“This is a castle,” Elsa said faintly. “Made of stone. There are guards and turrets and walls with spiky bits on them. There is water on  _ three sides _ . And you’ve managed to - to….”

 

They both fell into silence. Anna hiccupped and pulled a handkerchief out of her sleeve to blow her nose.

“Has Kristoff seen him?” Elsa said slowly. “Nils.”

“No. I mean, the nursery is all the way upstairs.”

“I know. I didn’t think you liked that.”

“I don’t! But that’s where it is.”

“We could change that. Your dressing room could be the nursery, if you want.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I’m the queen. If I say, my sister wants her baby nearer her at night, we can make that happen.”

“Thank you,” Anna said in a small voice, and blew her nose again.

 

“The harm is done,” Elsa said, “So I’d rather you weren’t miserable.”

“I’m not miserable,” Anna replied. “Most of the time.”

Elsa squeezed her shoulder. “I suppose that’s the best any of us can manage.”

 

* * *

 

Kristoff had come to see Anna a couple of times since Nils’s birth, just to hold her and talk to her; to reassure himself in his own mind that she was okay. She gave him rather more detail than he had wanted but he didn't mind too much. And she explained about the nursery being upstairs, and he knew it wouldn't be easy or safe to try and get there, so he decided that he would have to make do - at least for now - with the look at his son on the balcony that he had managed a few days before.

 

Today, though, when he tapped at the window, Anna let him in and then said "Just a moment, stay there." She went through into the next room - the smaller door by the side of her bed, not the larger ones on the other walls - and returned with the baby in her arms.

 

She sat on the bed. "Come here."

Kristoff sat next to her. "Why did you have him in there? What room is that?"

"It was my dressing room. But we moved some things around. I didn't like him being so far away." She held out the baby, sleeping and snugly wrapped in a blanket, and Kristoff took him gingerly.

"Hold him more upright - hold his head - there you are."

 

They sat there for a while, both watching the sleeping infant's face.  Kristoff didn't dare move a muscle, terrified of dropping the baby or waking it - he concentrated on that, rather than the knowledge that although this was his son, he was just borrowing him for a while, borrowing him from this other life that he was sometimes allowed to step into.

 

"Elsa knows," Anna said suddenly. "I told her. I had to, I couldn't keep it from her any longer."

"And?"

"And nothing. She won't tell anybody. She - well, she can't, she can't risk it getting out. But she knows."

"So who does know? Four people."

"No, you, Felix, Elsa."

"And you is four."

"Yes. Sorry." She put her hand gently on Nils's back. "Elsa doesn't - well, of course she doesn't approve - but I don't care. Or not much. It's worth it. I mean, look at him." She kissed the top of the baby's head. "I would do it all again and make the same choices. Wouldn't you?"

"Of course."

 

* * *

 

But later, as Kristoff rode up the mountain in the moonlight and let himself into his small cabin, he thought of a different story. Elsa would have disowned Anna for marrying him - and why had they thought that was the end of the world? He allowed himself a brief daydream - Anna sitting with him here, by the fire; their son asleep in a handmade cradle. 

 

Then he squashed the impossible thought down. He could never have asked a princess to give up her title, her home and her family for this. For him.


	11. Chapter 11

“Who's a happy baby? WHO’S a HAPPY BABY. You is! You IS!”

“Anna.”

“Mama could just EAT YOU UP. Starting with oo little fingoes. A nomnomnom. Nomnomnom.”

“Anna, please.”

“You said we could sit in here with you.”

“If you let me work, I said.”

“No one’s stopping you.”

"You know what I mean." 

 

Anna rolled her eyes and stood, holding the baby up against her chest so she could pull faces at him. "He's only just learnt to smile, he needs to practice."

"I'm not saying he has to be miserable. I'm fairly sure that would be worse."

 

There was a tap at the door. "Enter," Elsa said, and Felix came in.

"Elsa, dear, I was wondering if you'd seen my wife - ah, Anna, there you are." He waved a piece of paper in the air. "A letter from my brother - they've set a date for Kristina's wedding. Four weeks from now. And he's suggested we two go out a little while before, so you have a chance to meet everyone."

"We two?" Anna said. "What about Nils?"

"Well, you can bring the baby if you want."

"Of course I want. And he needs to meet your family, too."

"As you wish."

 

"A little while before?" Elsa asked. "A few days?"

"A week or so, yes. With travel we’ll probably be gone about three weeks.”

Anna made a startled noise then covered it with “Well, you wanted some peace and quiet, Elsa.”

 

* * *

 

Dear Elsa,

 

I hope you are well, we are all good! The journey was a bit long but still fun, the captain let me steer the boat for a while which was so great! Felix isn't a very good sailor so he was mainly lying down in the cabin but I was fine. 

 

And now we are here in Frederikshaven! The castle is about the same size as home but lots more people, more that live here all the time and of course lots of guests for the wedding. It's so busy Felix and I have to share a room which I'm not used to but I'm sure it will be fine! Nils and Brigitta sleep in the nursery but it isn't far away. Queen Margrethe said she put us in a room near the nursery since Nils is so small which I thought was very thoughtful of her!!

 

Kristina is lovely! When we met she said 'Do you want me to call you Mother or Mama' and it took me a minute to realise she was joking, we've agreed to never mention the fact that I'm technically her stepmother, it's so strange when she's older than me! And taller. Her intended is a very straight-laced young man, he is in the army and he stands very tall with his heels together. When we got here Felix insisted on interviewing him privately which I thought was very funny when he had no interest in him before. But Kristina thought it was sweet. I haven't seen much of Viktor, he is always in the stables or outside doing something or other. But he seems like a nice boy. 

 

I have been mainly meeting people and introducing them to Nils, it's good he's such a happy baby as he is always being passed about, there are lots of aunts and godmothers and friends and things and they all want to cuddle a baby, it is so funny because I have the same conversation with all of them, there is always a bit where they tell me how sad it was when Caroline died and I look sympathetic while they cast their eyes up, then the subject is put back in its box and we talk about Nils and Arendelle and every sort of thing.

 

The housekeeper here is so funny, every time she sees me she talks about Princess Caroline and how much everyone loved her and how elegant and poised she was and then she looks down her nose at me. I just say “Really,” and laugh at her behind my hands. Earlier she told me that Felix and Caroline had a ‘true, but doomed love’ and I nearly laughed in her face.

 

Anyway I must go and dress for dinner, well first I must say goodnight to Nils, who sends love and BIG KISS to Aunt Elsa, he is growing every day and you won't recognise him when we get back!! 

 

Write back soon,

 

Your loving sister,

 

Anna xxxxx

 

PS if you see anyone I know in town or anywhere say hello

PPS just if you happen to see  ~~him~~  anyone

 

* * *

 

Felix was different in Frederikshaven. Anna didn't notice for a couple of days, with first the thrill of the new place and new people, then the homesickness for Arendelle; but he was definitely different. 

 

And not in the way that she would have expected if she'd thought about it. She might have thought he would be relaxed, at home, comfortable with family and old friends. Instead he seemed constantly on edge. Anna had known Felix didn't get on with his brother, so she wasn't surprised when they avoided each other, but he didn't seem comfortable with anyone else, either.

 

He actually sought Anna out, which she wasn’t used to. And at night they had to share a bedroom, even share a bed; a large enough bed that there was space between them, but still. Maybe it was just the proximity of so many people, all day, that made everything seem strange. Even after two years Anna still wasn’t used to it. 

 

“It's funny to think of Father being married again,” Kristina said to Anna one afternoon as they were walking in the gardens. “My life is so divided into two parts - when Mama was alive and after she died. I expect you know what I mean, if not more so.”

“Yes,” Anna said. “Nothing is ever the same.”

“I was ten,” Kristina said, “So exactly half my life. And Father changed, afterwards. It destroyed him. That sounds melodramatic, but it's true.”

“He never talks about it,” Anna said. “I don't know much about what happened, to be honest. I daren’t ask. Just that it was September and they were staying at the lodge further inland. And a fire started while they were sleeping.”

“It was October. The twelfth of October. It was September when they left home, maybe that's what he meant.”

“Maybe. Yes, it must be.”

“And we were expecting them back anyway, around then, when Father came riding into the courtyard alone, all covered in soot and barely breathing. He was ill for weeks, after. The guards left immediately but by the time they got there the lodge was just some smouldering ruins.”

“Did no one else get out?”

“Yes, the maids - the guards found them by the road and brought them back, and Father’s valet. But Mother, they never - found anything. Or Petr, the man who looked after the horses. I miss him, too, he was always so kind to me.”

 

_ Because he was your father _ , Anna realised. Petr and Caroline must have been in the same bedroom when the fire broke out. Is that what Felix meant about it being his fault? That if Caroline had been with him, she also would have been able to escape?

 

“I wish you could have known Father as he was when Mama was alive,” Kristina said. “None of us thought he would marry again.”

“He said your uncle made him do it.”

Kristina laughed. “Yes, that's true. I remember him complaining about I being the elder; if Viktor were my age and I his, you'd have married him. If that makes sense. If you'd wanted to, of course. But Viktor is younger than you so he had to talk Father into it instead. Oh dear, that sounds terrible. I'm sure he's happy about it now.”

“He seems to be,” was all Anna could think of to say.

* * *

 

They stayed for only two days after the wedding, fewer than planned. Kristina and her new husband had already left for a brief bridal tour and other guests were departing rapidly; Felix announced one day at breakfast that he feared his wife was homesick (she was, a little, but hadn't told him so) and so they would be leaving later that day.

 

Back on the ship he shut himself in the cabin again.

 

* * *

 

“There's something in my shoe, can you hold this?”

Kristoff turned in surprise. “What? Anna?”

 

She pushed what she was carrying into his arms - a baby, it was Nils - and sat down on the low wall behind his stall.

“I didn't know you were back,” Kristoff said, juggling the baby back into a more comfortable position against his shoulder.

“Yes, this morning - and I had to come straight out for a walk around. I missed - Arendelle, so much.”

“Arendelle missed you,” he said as she stood up, then cursed himself - that was a ridiculous thing to say. But she smiled warmly at him and held out her arms for her son.

“I feel quite the seasoned traveller now,” she said brightly. “And Nils too! Felix wanted to leave him at home, can you believe it? He said a baby doesn't know where he is. But  _ I’d  _ know.”

“Of course. And he'd know you weren't there.”

“Poor baby,” Anna said, pulling a face at Nils. “Are you going to smile? Do you have a smile for P - Kristoff? Smile for Kristoff.” 

“I think he’s tired.”

“He is. We all are. I'll be in bed early tonight, that's for sure.”

“I'll bear that in mind.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

_ Secrets. _

 

She wondered how long she could keep ahead of it. She felt like she was running, sometimes; trying to outpace the unmasking, the awful truth behind everything. Every day that was successfully completed without being found out was a relief, but tomorrow morning it would start all over again. For two years they had managed, but how much longer?

 

Sometimes she thought - well, we’ve got this far - but other times it seemed inevitable. She put a hand on Kristoff’s arm in the marketplace and saw someone give them a strange look. The moment when he climbed over her balcony railing and was, for a few seconds, fully visible from below. Nils’ profile and the look in his eyes when he concentrated. It was all a web of little lies and it was going to catch her.

 

But how did everyone not already know? Sometimes it felt like everyone in this castle was blind. The other day, passing a room where two servants were making a bed, she heard one say “He never pays her any attention, it makes me sad.”

“The Prince?” the other replied, and Anna had nearly tripped over her own feet, stopping just beside the door where they wouldn’t see her.

“I should say he gives her enough attention,” the second continued, “Considering she’s expecting again and the first one barely walking.”

And they had laughed.

 

Anna didn’t think Felix has spoken to her twice that week. He was back to ignoring her for the most part, and Nils too; and that was the worst thing. Now her son had to sleep upstairs in the proper, larger nursery, Kristoff never saw him.  _ Nils has two fathers, in a way, but day-to-day he might as well not have any _ , Anna thought.

 

But it was Kristoff she felt guiltiest about. She had pulled him into this; she hadn’t let him leave her behind, let him move forward into another life where he would have been happy, respectable, safe.  _ By now he would have married someone else, he would have his own family and his own life and have forgotten all about me. I should have let him go. Why didn’t I? Why couldn’t I just have left him  _ alone _? _

 

_ \----- _

 

Sometimes after they made love she cried.

 

He could bear it for himself. He could bear his own sadness, his own longing for a world in which things were different. But he'd done this to make her happy, and if she wasn't happy, why was he doing it?

 

He tried, over and over, to think of a way out. An escape for both of them. But if they ran, would anywhere be far enough? And Anna needed to stay here, especially now, where there were regular meals and people to make sure she rested and doctors and midwives. 

 

So he said nothing, and held her while she cried, and kissed her hair. And then, when she was calm, he could leave.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re being ridiculous,” Kristoff said. “And I think you know that.”

“That’s what Elsa said.” 

“Well, then.”

“You both think because I’m about to have a baby it’s sent my brain crazy.”

“Well -”

“It’s not that, it’s not that at all, neither of you know him like I do - and he was always like this but he’s got worse - and I can’t stop thinking about it. It doesn’t make sense. There are too many things that don’t add up. There’s no other explanation.”

“Anna.” He took her hands to stop her pacing. “Felix didn’t kill his wife.”

“How on earth would you know!”

“Because - it’s ridiculous! You need to calm down, you need to stop thinking like this.”

“He killed her, she took up with the other man and he didn’t like it so he killed them, it’s the only explanation that makes sense -”

“Anna, please! This is insane!”

 

She pulled away from him and took a few steps, then stopped to lean on the bedpost.

“Anna?”

“I’m okay.” She straightened. “I’m fine.”

“Is it - the baby?”

“No, I think -” Anna leant against the bedpost again, her jaw clenched. She exhaled in a rush and Kristoff walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. “Maybe.”

“When did it start? Just now?”

“I don’t know. Earlier, I think - a couple of hours. But it’s getting worse.”

“Then I need to go. And you need to ring for someone.”

“No, stay -”

“I can’t.”

“Just a little longer.” She put her hand on his arm, and he felt her grip tighten as she gasped and then breathed out slowly.

 

“Anna.” He put his fingers under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. “You’re safe here. You know that.”

“I am if you’re here -”

“So I’ll just stand in the corner, shall I? While this place is full of midwives and maids and goodness knows who? ‘Don’t mind him, he’s just a friend of mine?’”

She didn’t reply and he felt her tense again for a moment, then relax. “Anna. I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you,” she whispered. “But can’t you - wait somewhere nearby? Don’t go home. Please.”

“I’ll try. I can’t promise. I’ll stay as long as it’s dark.”

“Okay.” Anna rested her head on his chest and drew a ragged breath through another contraction. 

 

He kissed the top of her head, then, before he could change his mind, he walked over to the door and pulled sharply on the bellpull. There were already footsteps in the corridor as he let himself out of the balcony window, tugging the curtains to as best as he could behind him.

 

Kristoff crouched in the corner of the balcony and listened; voices, and then the bell again; more voices, footsteps, doors opening and shutting. He saw lamps being lit in various rooms that had been previously darkened for the night, and there was some commotion in the stableyard as someone was presumably sent to fetch the midwife.

 

As more people woke and started moving around, outside and in the room behind him, he realised he couldn’t stay where he was indefinitely. The curtains were mostly closed but they billowed every time someone walked past, which was often. And if someone decided to open the window for air then they would see him immediately.

 

But fortunately, to the side of the balcony, there was a more sheltered area where it met the shallow slope of the roof, partially covered by some ornamental carving. Climbing carefully over, he was able to tuck himself safely in the shadows. It wasn’t even that cold.

 

* * *

 

 

Kristoff didn’t realise he’d been asleep until he was woken by the sound of a baby crying. It puzzled him at first, then when he was fully awake it registered properly and he smiled. The sun was not yet up, but the sky was starting to glow with the pre-dawn, and he would need to leave soon; but if the baby was here, he could do so with a clear conscience.

 

Then he realised he’d heard the baby cry because the balcony window had been opened and someone had stepped out. He froze in place, hardly daring to breathe, and then a voice spoke, softly.

“A little girl. She’s going to call her Ingrid.”

It was the queen. Kristoff let out the breath he’d been holding, then said as quietly as he could, “And Anna?”

“Is fine. She told me you might be here. But now you need to go.”

“I know.”

 

Elsa said nothing more, and he heard the balcony window click shut again behind her.


	13. Chapter 13

Kristoff swung himself easily over the balcony rail and tapped gently on the window. It was still early, but at this time of year it was already dark, and he knew Anna - and little Inga, now nearly a month old - would be in bed.

 

Or so he thought. But when Anna opened the window he saw that she was still fully-dressed - more than that, she had on winter boots, and a thick cloak was laid out on the bed behind her. 

“Anna? What is it? Are you going somewhere?”

“Yes. All of us. We were just waiting for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“We're leaving, tonight. I can't - I can't stay another day -”

“Anna,” Kristoff said helplessly. Looking around, he saw that Nils was asleep on top of the bed, also warmly dressed.

“You think I've gone insane,” Anna said. “But, look. Look at this.” She handed him a book.

 

It was a journal or diary, written in a masculine hand. “Is this Felix’s?”

“Yes. Oh, I know! I shouldn't have it but I'm so glad I looked, because. Look here.”

She took it back and turned it to the most recent pages. “Read this.”

He did.

 

_ I am a fool, a classic fool. One who repeats the same actions and expects a different result. And shall it lead to the same conclusion? It seems so. She doesn't trust me and she has no reason to. All she thinks of is him and it is hard not to care. But to lose two wives starts to look suspicious. _

 

“Anna, this doesn't mean -”

“Turn the page! Keep going.”

 

_ My dear Caroline, I know you are happier where you are now and I only wish it was not my actions that sent you there. _

 

Kristoff’s blood ran cold.

 

_I only pray that Anna shall not drive me to the same ends._ _I wish I could see another way out of this. But I cannot._

 

That was the last line, and the entry was dated that day. Kristoff closed the journal and put it on the dresser.

“Do you believe me now?” Anna said quietly.

“Where's Ingrid?”

“In her cradle. If we wait an hour or so we can get down the stairs and out of the East Gate without any trouble and then go to your cabin and work out what to do, once we’re all safe. Where's Sven?”

“Tied up just outside the city gate like normal. But Anna, you can't climb a mountain. You just had a baby.”

“That was weeks ago! If you can carry Nils I'll carry Ingrid and I can ride Sven if I get tired.”

“You'll ride the whole way.”

 

Anna was business-like now. She fetched Ingrid and, with a shawl, strapped the baby to her chest. 

“Have you spoken to your sister?”

“No. I'll leave a note to say we're safe. Which we will be once we’re away from here.”

 

He was still half-tempted to tell her No, to instead talk to the queen or find the guards or something, anything. But Anna was so scared and she trusted him and the need to scoop all three of them up and carry them away with him was suddenly overpowering.

“Okay,” he said. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

 

* * *

 

 

Elsa didn’t know what time it was; the candle was low, and when there was a knock on her study door she at first thought it was Anna or Gerda telling her to go to bed. But it was Felix, clutching a piece of paper and very agitated.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“She’s gone. She’s - do you know where he lives, the ice harvester?”

“I know which road he takes. But not where he lives.”

“There’s fresh snow on the ground, I may be able to follow them - why must it always come to this -”

“Them? What’s happened? Who’s gone, Anna?”

 

Felix looked at her, then leant sideways on the doorframe and handed her the letter he was holding. “I’m sorry to shock you like this,” he said. “And I’m sorry to have kept secrets from you, from everyone, but - they are lovers. Anna and the ice harvester, Kristoff. With my knowledge and consent.”

“I know,” Elsa said, scanning the letter, which was brief and contained more smudges than details. “She told me. Some time ago. And now they’ve left? Why? Where are the children?”

“They’ve taken them too. I don’t know how long ago, but - I’m leaving now. Which road?”

“From the East Gate. Then the left fork, towards the mountain.”

“Thank you.” He turned, then paused. “You knew, all along?”

“Not all along. Since just after Nils was born.”

He hesitated, then nodded to himself and left, almost running in his haste.

 

By the time Elsa reached the stableyard Felix was already readying his horse; he didn’t speak to her again, so focussed on his actions, and by the time she had dealt with her own mount he was gone.

 

She followed him in the moonlight,  the snow gleaming white, the world still and cold and empty. Once they were beyond the town walls there were only two sets of hoofprints; Felix’s horse at full gallop, and the wider-splayed tracks of a reindeer. 

 

_ Why must it always come to this, _ Elsa thought, and urged her horse on as fast as she could.


	14. Chapter 14

The journey didn't take long, considering. Kristoff managed to tie Nils on his back and the little boy drowsed against his shoulder, blond hair sticking out from under his woolly hat. Anna and Ingrid rode on Sven, and though the snow was fresh it wasn't deep and they made good progress.

 

The cabin was dark and cold but he soon got the fire going in the woodstove. Anna tucked Nils into the bed, then said that she would just lie down with him for a moment while she fed the baby, and by the time Kristoff came back from the stable all three of them were fast asleep.

 

He had brought the hatchet back in the house with him - his knife was already in his belt. Not that it would come to that, but it wouldn’t take a genius to work out where they had gone. Better to be prepared.

 

* * *

 

The knock came a couple of hours later. It was a polite knock, a request rather than a demand; nevertheless, Kristoff still found himself reaching for the hatchet before he unbolted the door.

 

Felix was standing in the snow, holding the reins of his tired horse. The two men looked at each other for a moment, then Felix said quietly “May I please speak with my wife?”

Kristoff hefted the hatchet. “What do you want to say to her? She knows what you did.”

“...what I did?”

 

The sound of hoofprints behind him, and another rider appeared in the clearing. Queen Elsa slid down from her saddle and stood at a short distance, holding her horse, watching the two men.

“She knows you murdered Princess Caroline,” Kristoff said, “and Petr. She found your journal. And by god, I'll see you hanged for it, but not before I make sure you can't harm a hair on her head.”

“My good sir,” Felix said, offended. “I have murdered no one. I am a  _ prince _ .”

“Princes have tried to kill me before now!” Anna said indignantly, ducking under Kristoff’s arm. He hadn't even realised she was awake. 

 

Everyone looked at each other. Felix cleared his throat and said “Shall we stable the horses and go inside? And hopefully I will be able to explain everything to your satisfaction.”

 

* * *

 

They sat round the table, or at least Anna and Elsa did, as there were only two chairs. Felix sat on the end of the bed; Nils was still fast asleep under the quilt, and Ingrid was in her mother’s arms. Kristoff, feeling vaguely that he was their host and should stand, leant against the wall. No one seemed to know where to start.

 

“So what really happened?” Anna said eventually. “I know they didn't die in the fire. That wouldn't leave - nothing.”

Felix nodded. “You're right. Of course. No, they didn't die in the fire.”

“So you did kill them!” 

Felix looked pained. “That's not what I said - they didn't die in the fire. Because - they didn't die at all.”

“Didn't die?”

“No. They - she - left me. I loved her, and…” - he ran a hand over his face - “I wanted her to be happy, to have the children she wanted - here's a common refrain - but I thought…. I didn't realise she would love him. I didn't realise I would lose her.”

 

He looked small and tired, slumped, looking at his hands. Anna reached over and put her hand on Felix’s shoulder. Without looking up, he put one hand over hers for a second, then took it away.

 

Elsa cleared her throat. “So let's get this straight. Caroline is alive? You can prove that?” 

“Yes. I have recent correspondence from her. They’re in the south of France.”

“So your first marriage never ended. You married my sister, knowing full well you were still married to another woman.”

 

“Yes,” Felix said after a long moment. “Yes, I did do that.”

“Why?”

Felix made a wry face. “My brother decided I was going to. And he didn't know - and it had been a decade. I didn't think it would ever come out. I thought Arendelle would be far enough.”

“So we're not married?” Anna said.

“No,” Elsa said. “You aren’t.”

 

“Can you forgive me?” Felix said. Anna looked at Kristoff, then back at Felix. “I guess,” she said, “That depends on what happens now.”

“Let’s go home,” Elsa said, “And we’ll sort this all out.”

 

* * *

 

“Kristoff!” 

 

Anna came flying out of the castle door, running across the courtyard to grab his arm. “Come with me, come on!”

“Where’re we going?”

 

He allowed himself to be pulled along after her. Anna was as animated as he’d ever seen her, almost skipping as she drew him on by the hand.

“I talked to the archbishop!” she said. “Well I had to talk to him, and Elsa, and Felix, and it all went ON and ON and I’m not surprised you weren’t hanging around, I thought I’d missed you! And probably no one would let me ride after you. I don’t know. But! I talked to the archbishop afterwards and the law is a bit complicated but in one way I wasn’t ever married to Felix? And in another I was, I mean, Nils and Ingrid are still legitimate and everything. But when the others had gone I said to him, the archbishop, I said does that mean I could marry someone else? And he said yes of course. And I said right now? And he laughed and said if I want. So come on, come on!”

 

Kristoff could see now where they were headed - not to the cathedral, but to the small family chapel inside the castle. “Anna, wait. Wait. Stop.” He took both her hands and pulled her to a halt. “You want to get married? Right now?”

“Yes! I - I mean. If you do. If you want to. We don’t have to - I’m sorry, I thought…”

“No, Anna - I mean, yes. Yes, of course I want to marry you.”

She beamed at him. “Come on, then! The archbishop is waiting. I told him I just had to go and find the groom but I wouldn’t be a minute.”

“But what about - your sister? Did she give her permission?”

“No. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Anna, you know you can’t -”

“It doesn’t matter! It really doesn’t. I know it mattered before, but it’s different now! I have two genuine, royal children for Arendelle. I have proved once again that princes, as a class, cannot be trusted. And most importantly - I’m twenty-one, I’m of age. I don’t need anyone’s permission to get married.”

“But she can still disown you. Throw you out.”

“She won’t. You know she won’t. And if she does, we’ll all four of us go and live in your cabin in the mountains and be happy. ”

 

He kissed the top of her head. “All right. Let’s do it.”

 

* * *

 

The archbishop was, in truth, not used to wedding ceremonies that started with the bride saying “Can we do the quick version, please,” or ones where the groom had clearly not even bothered to comb his hair. He’d managed to find a couple of castle staff to stand as witnesses, but the service that started with just the five of them quickly became more crowded as more and more of the staff slipped in through the side door.

 

By the time he pronounced them man and wife the small chapel was full to bursting - and when the bride and groom turned they saw that even the queen had joined the smiling well-wishers.

 

* * *

 

And that night she cried, but only because now no one could keep them apart; he would be there in the morning, and every morning; he would be there every day.

 

In each other’s arms they let the tension of the last three years fall away. There were still secrets; there were still worries about what the future would bring. But they would face them together.

 

* * *

 

“You don't have to go, Felix,” Anna said as she walked with him down to the dock the next day. “You can stay as long as you like.”

“You're kind,” he replied, “But I think it's best if I'm on my way. Get out from under your feet.”

“You'll write, though?”

“Of course.”

“And come and see us, if you're nearby.”

“Naturally.”

“And - can I ask you to do something else for me?”

“If it is within my power.”

“Go to her.”

Felix set his jaw and looked away.

 

“I mean it! You still love her. You need to tell her that.”

“If but it were that simple.”

“It is. Love is.”

“It's been too long.”

“No it hasn't. And shouldn't you at least try? Isn't it worth it? And, and what else are you going to do? Go home and mope about it some more?”

 

He pulled a face. “I promise nothing.”

“Think about it. Please. At least then you'll know you tried.”

Now they were at the edge of the market, and Felix paused before the steps down into the dock. “I will think about it,” he said. “And now we must say farewell.”

Anna hugged him, quickly but fiercely. “I'm sorry,” she said when she pulled back. “I'm sorry for all the...mess.”

“My dear, you are not the one who should be apologising.” He looked past her and she turned; her new husband was watching them from a short distance.

 

Felix strode over to Kristoff and held out his hand. “The man of the hour,” he said. “I wish you both all the best.”

“Thank you,” Kristoff said, shaking his hand. “I will take good care of them. Nils and Ingrid as well, I mean.”

“I know you will.”

 

“And now I really must go,” Felix continued, walking back towards the steps. “Go off, you two, and be disgustingly happy.”

“We will be,” Kristoff said, at the same time as Anna said “We are.”

  
“And remember what I said!” she called, as Felix put his foot on the gangplank. He winked at her, and then he was gone.


End file.
